TV Review: The Strain

The horror/thriller genre is on the rise on prime-time Cable TV with the success of series like The Walking Dead and American Horror Story. The newest series, The Strain, which premiered Sunday, July 13th on the FX Network, is based on the horror/thriller novel series written by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan.The Strain explores the age-old vampire genre with a modern virus-outbreak twist. It promises to be the newest Sunday night thrill, possibly even competing with the return of AMC's The Walking Dead in October.
When a Boeing 777 from Berlin to New York goes dark on the runway at JFK airport, the authorities contact Dr. Ephraim Goodweather (Corey Stoll), the head of the CDC team in New York City to investigate. Along with his partners Nora Martinez (Mia Maestro) and Jim Kent (Sean Astin) the team find all but four out of over 200 passengers alive on the plane that died from an unknown biological agent. The team also discover a strange, large, carved, wooden box in the cargo hold filled with soil. The only explanation come from the supposed ravings of an elderly pawn-shop owner named Abraham Setrakian (David Bradley) with talk of vampires! In the next 24 hours Dr. Goodweather and his team will come face-to-face with the most virulent plague in the history of the world that threatens to destroy the entire human race!

Writer/director Guillermo del Toro and author Chuck Hogan serve as both co-creators, executive producers and writers for The Strain, also co-writing the pilot script for the show, which was also directed by del Toro. Emmy Award winning writer and producer Carlton Cuse (Bates Motel, Lost) serves as executive producer and writer. The Strain is a "high-concept thriller" based on the trilogy of books which have already gained popularity and even a series of comic book adaptations from Dark Horse Comics. Director Guillermo del Toro is no stranger to the vampire genre with his films such as Blade II (2002) and Cronos (1993) and bringing the new virology element to the vampire myth. So far, the show follows the books fairly closely however there are a few added elements to the characters as well as the plot and a somewhat lack of attention to the solar eclipse which occurs in the beginning of the first book yet has little to no mention in the first show other than a brief glimpse of an advertisement in the airport. The casting for The Strain compliments both their book versions as well as their comic book adaptations. While the surprising casting of Sean Astin as Jim Kent, a somewhat minor character in the book, may reveal a possible stronger role in the TV series. The major focus of the virus outbreak is on the mysterious "blood worms" which appear in much of the shows promotional material, which from a fan's point-of-view of the books, appear much bigger than they seemed in the books. The brief yet satisfying glimpse of 'The Master', the head vampire, is equally impressive and terrifying along with the character of Eldritch Palmer (Jonathan Hyde) is a perfect match. With the modern setting of the series mixed with the fascination of vampires provides a fresh view on the vampire genre which has been redundantly dominated by the more teenage/sparkly variety of vamp from the popularity of the Twilight books and movies, as well as in TV with shows like The Vampire Diaries and it's spin-off The Originals. As a fan of the books and comics, I've been looking forward to the premiere of The Strain for quite a while now, and upon seeing the Pilot, I have no doubt that this series will soon take off and add a whole new level of terror and anticipation to Sunday prime-time! The Strain has spread...

LINKS: The Strain Official Website, The Strain Books, The Strain Comic Books, Del Toro Films

Star Wars Day 2014: Top 10 Favorite Things About Star Wars!

Happy Star Wars Day! May the Fourth Be With You! To Celebrate this year's Star Wars Day, I thought about why I love Star Wars and how it is so much a part of my life. I'll admit it: I am obsessed with Star Wars! I can't imagine my life without it, just sitting here typing and I look around me and I realize just how much Star Wars stuff I have and what it means to me. So this year in honor of Star Wars Day, CHERNOBOG'S BLOG PRESENTS: TOP 10 FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT STAR WARS! Enjoy!

#10 Toys - Star Wars changed the face of toys and action figures forever. Back in 1977 before anybody had ever heard of merchandising for movies, George Lucas capitalized on the licensing and merchandising rights for his new movie franchise and made a fortune. When the movie first came out there wasn't much in the way of toys until Kenner produced the "Early Bird Certificate Package" which gave kids the chance to send away for the action figures before they were ever released. With the success of the Star Wars, Kenner produced thousands of toys, action figures, vehicles, and play-sets for Star Wars and many other franchises until the company closed in 2000 and merged with Hasbro. As an only child of the 1980's, I was deeply into Star Wars toys along with G.I. Joe, Transformers, and Masters of the Universe. Of course, my collection of Star Wars toys grew in large thanks to the "spoiling"  of my parents and grandparents.

#9 Role-playing Games (RPG) - With the success of book/table-top RPGs like Dungeons and Dragons during the 1980's, in 1987 West End Games produced a series of RPG books set in the Star Wars Universe which included several source books and adventure guides. Later in 2000, Wizards of the Coast received the licensing to produce a new series of RPG books until 2012 when Fantasy Flight Games produced a new version called Edge of the Empire.

#8  Board Games - Star Wars has inspired some of the best board games over the years starting with the classics 'Escape from Death Star Game', 'Jedi Master Game' and 'Battle At Sarlac's Pit Game'. Over the last few decades there has been an increase in many different licensed board games such as Monopoly, Risk, Stratego, Trouble, Battleship, and even Operation! My personal favorite is the Trivial Pursuit Star Wars Classic Trilogy Collector's Edition with R2-D2 timer!

#7  Art - The art of Star Wars is what really gave it's universe meaning from the first design sketches to the fully painted designs of artist Ralph McQuarrie. His paintings and designs made Star Wars what it is today and not to mention all of the other artists and designers of Lucasfilm who have added to his legacy. Also credited for much of the Star Wars poster art is artist Drew Struzan, who is also known for more than 150 famous movie posters including Indiana Jones, Back to the Future and Rambo.

#6  Video Games - Video games have always been a big part of Star Wars with the very first classic arcade game in 1983 to the Star Wars Trilogy arcade game in 1998. Other games have included many different titles on both video game consoles and PC including popular titles as Dark Forces, The Force Unleashed, Knights of the Old Republic, Battlefront, even LEGO Star Wars and my current favorite (and addiction), Star Wars: The Old Republic (a.k.a. SWTOR)!

#5 Television - Star Wars have been featured on TV in several spin-offs and series starting with the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special in 1978 to the short-lived Droids and Ewoks cartoon series from 1985 to 1986 during my childhood. To promote the release of Star Wars - Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Cartoon Network produced a series of shorts entitled Star Wars: Clone Wars from 2003 to 2005, created by Genndy Tartakovsky. Recently there was a huge following for the Emmy Award winning Cartoon Network animated series The Clone Wars which ran for five seasons from 2008 to 2013, prompted by a 2008 full-length CG animated movie. Currently the sixth season dubbed "The Lost Missions" are now available on Netflix. Next fall, Disney XD will be premiering a new series Star Wars Rebels, set between the events of Ep.III and IV featuring new heroes and villains!

#4 Comic Books - The Star Wars comic books have been around almost as long as the movies, first with the Marvel Comics series from 1977 to 1986 and lasting 107 issues. In 1991 Dark Horse Comics acquired the rights to the Star Wars franchise and began a long run of titles featuring many different story lines within the Extended Universe. I remember reading several of the original comics and especially as I got into comic collecting more of the Dark Horse titles, particularly Dark Empire, Tales of the Jedi and Shadows of the Empire. As the Dark Horse Comics era comes to an end, it was announced in 2013 that Lucasfilm and Marvel Comics were reuniting and will begin publishing new comics in 2015! See Timeline of Comics

#3 Books - The first novelization of Star Wars was published in 1976 as Star Wars: From the Adventures of Luke Skywalker although credited as written by George Lucas, it was actually ghostwritten by Alan Dean Foster from Lucas' original script. Foster would later go on to publish the first Extended Universe novel in 1978, Splinter of the Mind's Eye. As the popularity for Star Wars books increased a book series featuring Han Solo and Lando Calrissian in their own adventures. In 1991, Heir to the Empire by Timothy Zahn was published beginning the immensely-popular "Thrawn Trilogy". Since then, the Star Wars legacy has continued with hundreds of novels featuring stories from the ever-expanding universe with new books.

#2 Music - Without the music of John Williams, the Star Wars films would be an entirely different experience! When director Steven Spielberg recommended Williams to his friend and fellow director George Lucas to score his 1977 film Star Wars (Episode IV: A New Hope), who knew how much of an impact a musical score would have on the reception of the film. Both the film and it's soundtrack were incredibly successful and it remains to this day the highest grossing music recording of all-time, earning Williams an Academy Award for Best Original Score. Williams also scored Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980) and Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983) completing the original trilogy. Both scores earned him Academy Award Nominations. Then in 1999, Williams was asked to score all three of the prequel films including Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002), and Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005). While Williams' musical legacy continues in other popular films, other composers have credited his influence for their own music including composer Kevin Kiner for his work on the themes for Star Wars: the Clone Wars.

#1 Movies - On May 25, 1977, the world of movies changed forever with the premiere of Star Wars (also later known as Episode IV: A New Hope)! Creator/writer/director George Lucas took his influences from the films and serials he loved as a child and his studies in film-school to create a new, epic, space-opera. Star Wars broke box-office records and became one of the first modern blockbuster films and remains one of the most financially successful films franchises of all time! I consider myself a 2nd Generation Star Wars fan as I was born shortly after the initial release of the first film. I can recall seeing the first two movies at home either on TV, early VHS and Laserdisc. One of my favorite earliest memories is seeing Return of the Jedi at one of the few remaining local Drive-In theaters around the age of four and I have been obsessed with Star Wars from then on. I watched, played, read, slept on (sheets), ate (Star Wars cereal) and basically lived Star Wars my whole life! I was not overly-excited to be present at the opening of Episode I as so many of my fellow fans were and much to my dismay, shared in their disappointment. My original preconceptions of the prequel trilogy have changed over time and I have learned to come to terms with my love/hate relationship with the Special Editions of the original trilogy as well as the prequels. As news of Episode VII continues to increase, my thoughts and feelings are conflicted as to the future of my beloved Star Wars. As I'm not very fond of director J.J. Abrams due to his questionable reboot of the Star Trek franchise, however, when Episode VII is released I will be there waiting with millions of fans despite my expectations.
Thank you! "May the Force be With you!"

LINKS: Star Wars Official Site

Movie Review: World War Z

As the zombie movie has had a resurgence in the last decade, "zombie fever" is still going strong! And with the success of cable TV shows like AMC's The Walking Dead, based on Robert Kirkman's acclaimed graphic novel series; the dead are still "walking tall"! The latest foray into the zombie craze actually comes from one of the forerunners of the genre, author Max Brooks (son of comedy legend Mel Brooks). Having first delved into the popular subject with his 2003 book The Zombie Survival Guide, at first, a seemingly humorous novelty guidebook, it sparked a new interest in zombies and apocalypse survivalists. With the immense success of the Survival Guide, (which even spawned a card game and a graphic novel The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks), Brooks soon followed it up with the now immensely popular novel: World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War in 2006. Being an intense, sprawling narrative combining fictional interviews and vignettes from supposed survivors from all over the world, World War Z was a huge hit for zombie fans and brought new literary acclaim for the genre as well.

Few even considered that this epic tale would eventually be turned into a major motion picture. Many fans were skeptical when it was finally announced in 2008. What was leaked on the Internet was the original script by J. Michael Straczynski, which was then rewritten by Matthew Michael Carnahan. This created controversy with many fans. Now that the movie has been released, the frequent rewrites have proven successful. World War Z is directed by Marc Forster (Quantum of Solace (2008)) and stars Brad Pitt. The film focuses on the story of Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt), a former UN investigator living in Philadelphia. He is forced into facing the zombie apocalypse head-on while trying to save his wife Karin (Mireille Enos) and his two daughters. Reluctant to resume his former life, he must travel the globe to search for the cause of the zombie virus and hopefully find a cure. Beginning in South Korea, the violent pandemic spreads quickly all over the world and leads Gerry to various locations such as Jerusalem and the W.H.O. headquarters. A seemingly average person, Gerry soon presents himself as an exceptionally skillful (and incredibly lucky!) individual as he is thrust into even more dangerous locations and situations as the "zombie" plague spreads. Gerry is mostly alone in his search, he is occasionally accompanied by members of the scientific community (including one ill-fated virologist) and the military. He ends up with Segan (Daniella Kertesz), a young female Israeli soldier, as an unlikely sidekick who tags along with him. She soon proves herself to be a strong and helpful companion.

The movie is a fast-paced and action-packed story with exciting and exotic locales on a global scale. It is not necessarily a true "zombie" movie in the tradition of Dawn of the Dead (1978) or even 28 Days Later (2002). It is more like viral outbreak movies such as The Andromeda Strain (1971) or Outbreak (1995). The movie deviates far from the usual blood-and-gore type of zombie movie, to the point of being an almost entirely bloodless film. This doesn't detract from the action or its exciting subject matter. When it comes to zombie movies (and fans), there always seems to be a strong division between those that favor the slow-moving, traditional Night of the Living Dead (1968) type zombie or the faster, ravenous Dawn of the Dead (2004 remake) kind. This movie actually features both but more often the latter; especially when the zombies pile on top of each other and swarm over everything like ants. Later, when docile, the zombies are significantly slower (until stimulated) and can even appear less threatening and almost laughable (cue Dawn of the Dead mall music!). Although the movie doesn't have the same scope and originality of the novel, it does present an impressive and intriguing story set on a worldwide stage. Rumors of the original script presented a film that would have followed the book more closely, keeping the story centered on one main-character creates a more widely-accepted scenario.

World War Z (both book and movie) came at just the right time as the world is still reeling from the 2012 phenomenon hoax. The number of survivalist groups and our fascination and obsession of zombies continues to grow. Recently, the CDC even published an article on their website encouraging "Zombie Preparedness"!
As a fan of the book, naturally there was some disappointment the movie did not follow the book exactly but despite my reservations I was thoroughly impressed and I feel it is a worthy adaptation of the book. With box office totals already over $66 million, Paramount Pictures is supposedly in talks to develop a sequel that may focus on other stories from the novel.

LINKS: World War Z Official Website, World War Z on Facebook, World War Z on Twitter, Max Brooks Official Website, Max Brooks' Zombie World, Zombie Research Society

Star Wars Reads Day: Top 10 Star Wars Books

October 6th is Star Wars Reads Day! On this day, fans come together to celebrate reading and Star Wars. Star Wars and reading have been a big part of my life for a long time. As a life-long fan of Star Wars I started reading very early and Star Wars books were my gateway to reading more. And as a reader, writer and teacher, I have always heavily advocated reading. Most of the Star Wars books and comics are part of the "Expanded Universe" in the Star Wars canon. These deal with stories and characters created apart from the regular cast of characters, some have even grown in popularity equal to that of the movies. To celebrate Star Wars Reads Day, CHERNOBOG'S BLOG Presents: The Top 10 Star Wars Books! "May the Force Be With You!"

#10 Death Troopers (2009) by Joe Schreiber - the first horror story based in the Star Wars Universe since the "Galaxy of Fear" series in the 90's. A  deadly contagion infects the Imperial prison barge The Purge as survivors try to escape from legions of the undead!

#9 The New Jedi Order: Star By Star by Troy Denning - in the 10th installment of "The New Jedi Order" series, the Yuuzhan Vong have begun cloning voxyn, creatures capable of hunting Jedi through the Force and killing them.

#8 Rogue Squadron (1996) by Michael Stackpole - the first novel in the Star Wars: X-wing series. Wedge Antilles has gathered a group of pilots together to recreate the legendary Rogue Squadron, as a dual X-wing and commando squadron.

#7 The New Jedi Order: Vector Prime (1999) by R. A. Salvatore - the first installment of "The New Jedi Order" series this book features the controversial death of Chewbacca!

#6 "The Jedi Academy Trilogy" (1994) by Kevin J. Anderson - Part of a three-book series including Jedi Search, Dark Apprentice and Champions of the Force the series chronicles Luke Skywalker's early attempts to rebuild the Jedi Order after the defeat of the Emperor.

#5 Shadows of the Empire (1996) by Steve Perry - Shadows of the Empire was a multimedia project created by Lucasfilm in 1996 which included the novel, comic book series, video game and an accompanying soundtrack. The novel introduced Prince Xizor, an alien overlord of the largest criminal organization in the galaxy who's goal is to take Darth Vader's place at the Emperor's side. It also introduced another new character to the saga: Dash Rendar, a smuggler, who served as Han Solo's replacement.

#4 "The Thrawn Trilogy" by Timothy Zahn - One of the most popular book series in the Expanded Star Wars Universe, "The Thrawn Trilogy" includes Heir to the Empire (1991), Dark Force Rising (1992) and The Last Command (1993). The series introduced many popular characters, such as Mara Jade, Talon Karrde, and of course Grand Admiral Thrawn! As the Rebellion is now the New Republic, the remnants of the Imperial Resistance have chosen Admiral Thrawn to lead an attack on the New Republic with a Dark Jedi at his side!

#3 "The Han Solo Adventures" (1979) by Brian Daley - a trilogy of novels set in the Star Wars universe two years before the events of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. The novels include Han Solo At Star's End, Han Solo's Revenge and Han Solo and The Lost Legacy.

#2 Splinter of the Mind's Eye (1978) by Alan Dean Foster - originaly intended as a sequel, it was the first original full-length Star Wars novel to be published after the release of the original Star Wars film, it is also the first novel to be included in what was to be known as the Expanded Universe. Luke and Leia find themselves on the swampy planet of Mimban in search of the fabled Kaiburr crystal!

#1 Star Wars: From the Adventures of Luke Skywalker (1976) by George Lucas and Alan Dean Foster - While the book was based on the original screenplay of Star Wars written by George Lucas, the novel was actually ghostwritten by Alan Dean Foster and was published almost six months before the May, 1977 release of of the movie. The book differs greatly from the movie in several ways including changes in names and new characters not in the film, as well as the destruction of Alderaan is nonexistent and the death of Obi-Wan Kenobi is changed.

LINKS: Star Wars.com, Star Wars Reads on Facebook, 501st Legion

In Memoriam: Ray Bradbury - Top 10

Ray Bradbury (August 22, 1920 - June 5, 2012) was one of the greatest speculative fiction writers of the 20th Century. A major figure in the world of science fiction, fantasy, horror and mystery; many of his works have been adapted into comics, TV and film. He was a strong advocate of books and reading and influenced generations of readers, writers and filmmakers. Among his many awards and honors include a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, The National Medal of Arts Award, World Fantasy Award and The Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America named the Ray Bradbury Award in his honor. While Bradbury was known for his famous and award winning novels, he was also a prolific short story writer as well as the writer of many plays, screenplays and children's books. In memoriam of his death, CHERNOBOG'S BLOG PRESENTS My Top 10 Favorite Works by Ray Bradbury...he will be missed.

#10 From the Dust Returned (2001) - A short-story collection of older stories featuring cover art by Charles Addams ("The Addams Family").
#9 Dandelion Wine (1957) - A collection of short-stories which take place in the Summer of 1928 in Green Town, Illinois reminiscent of Bradbury's hometown.
#8 Dinosaur Tales (1983) - A short-story collection about Dinosaurs. I shared the same love for Dinosaurs as Bradbury did as a boy and this was one of my first short-story collections I read.
#7 Dark Carnival (1947) - Bradbury's first short-story collection published by Arkham House (also responsible for re-publishing the works of H.P. Lovecraft)
#6 The Halloween Tree (1972) - A group of boys go out trick-or-treating which sets them off on a journey through time and space to rescue their friend. I read it every Halloween!
#5 The Illustrated Man (1951) - A collection of science-fiction short-stories that explores the nature of mankind revolving around a man's collection of tattoos.
#4 "There Will Come Soft Rains" (1950, also included in "The Martian Chronicles") - A short-story about a futuristic, fully automated, house which continues to operate despite the absence of the family, long dead, until it burns down.
#3 The Martian Chronicles (1950) - The classic science-fiction story collection chronicling the colonization of Mars by humans fleeing a doomed Earth.
#2 Fahrenheit 451 (1953) - Bradbury's classic dystopian novel of a futuristic American society where books are outlawed and burned. One of his most influential books which is both celebrated and banned in schools and libraries all over the world. Bradbury's admitted message in the book is not about censorship but about how TV destroys interest in reading literature.
#1 Something Wicked This Way Comes (1962) - A sinister travelling circus comes to a small Midwestern town and terrorizes two young boys. This was the first novel of his I ever read, but I was first exposed to it from watching the 1983 live-action Disney movie adaptation with Jason Robards and Jonathan Pryce, which scarred the hell outta me too!

LINKS: http://www.raybradbury.com 

BOOK REVIEW: "The Nerdist Way" by Chris Hardwick

I, AM A NERD! I say it proudly and confidently. I have much evidence to support my nerdiness such as: I wear glasses, I collect comic books, I go to comic conventions, I enjoy cartoons and anime, I play video games, even MMORPGs such as World of Warcraft, I own Star Wars and Star Trek memorabilia...and there's NOTHING wrong with that! I also consider myself fairly well educated, (Although I am definitely not as smart as the nerds on The Big Bang Theory, but they are just actors!) but I admit that I have not been as successful in life as I'd like to be. I realize as I get older that my nerdy lifestyle may not be conducive to a long and healthy life, and when a very good friend of mine gave me a great book, it changed the way I think about my life!

The book is The Nerdist Way: How To Reach The Next Level (In Real Life) by Chris Hardwick. Now, I would usually be the first to mock some pretentious self-help book (don't get me started on Chicken Soup for the Soul!), but this is NOT one of those. If you are not aware of Chris Hardwick, than you obviously don't have Cable TV or an Internet connection (for that matter how are you even reading this blog?). Mr. Hardwick is: (along with many things) a stand-up comedian, Cable TV personality, podcaster and a writer. He is currently the host of G4's Web Soup, AMC's Talking Dead and The Nerdist on BBC America. The main thing you need to know about Chris is that he is also a NERD! As Mythbusters Adam Savage said: "Chris Hardwick is a Nerd's Nerd's Nerd. The third nerd denotes his understanding of Nerddom on a metalevel."
Being a nerd, Chris realizes there are many things that may not come easy to nerds, life being one of them, and in his new book: The Nerdist Way, he presents his readers with essentially a nerdy guide to life which shows us how to focus our mind, body and time in an attempt to reach our nerdy goals thereby attaining success and happiness, and maybe even get laid (no, not really)! In his book, Chris admits that he "is NOT A LIFE COACH...motivational speaker or a self-help guru." That being said, his experiences and career opportunities reflect many of the choices he has made in his life, some he admits were "several years of laziness" and while he worked for MTV as the host of MTV's "Singled Out" during the 90's and would later become an overweight alcoholic before he decided to devote his life to self-improvement, hence: the creation of this book.

Chris Hardwick: Before & After Nerdist

The book is divided into three parts addressing topics on Mind, Body and Time. In the first part he recommends that nerdy life should be treated like a role-playing game (i.e. Dungeons & Dragons) in "RPG Your Life" he suggests structuring your life like a game, thinking of yourself as a game designer and creating a Character Tome for yourself. In it you can create your own personal character page and figure out your attributes and alignment (D&D Online Alignment Test, Go ahead, give it a try...I did and surprisingly I am Lawful Neutral, who would of thought!) Among the other nerdy accouterments to this book, you earn experience points (XP) in life when you succeed in your goals and even earn more XP for every section you finish reading in his book. (You just earned 50 XP for reading this review!)

Also in the Mind section he addresses matters such as choice, anxiety, addiction and what he likes to call "Sucstress" - when success causes stress. In the Body section of his book he focuses on health and fitness. Chris literally turned his life around, even to the point of finding his own personal trainer, Trainer Tom. This section features some helpful hints from him and demonstrates several workout and exercise techniques with full illustrations. In the third and final section of his book Chris addresses how to manage your time. This includes everything from managing your email account, scheduling, credit, finances and work. It also includes my personal favorite part: "Become An Evil Genius"!
The Nerdist Way appeals to all nerds, not just the stereotypical taped-up glasses kind, it encompasses all aspects of nerdiness in which we ALL have some if not many examples of. The whole book is a fun and entertaining experience with lots of helpful information, relevant examples and some hilariously funny moments. Chris will often segue (or Segway? Nerd!) into rants which often include moments of excitement in which he WRITES IN ALL CAPS TO MAKE A POINT! The main thing Chris wants his readers to get from this amazing book is as a nerd "use your obsessively Nerdy brain to focus on things like looking for opportunities, dissecting your failures for lessons, and committing yourself to emotional rewards and happiness..." So, on behalf of all nerds out there...Thank You Chris "The Nerdist" Hardwick! This book has opened my eyes and I will Enjoy MY Burrito!

Be sure to visit Chris Hardwick's website Nerdist.com , NerdistNews.com and NerdistWay and follow him on Twitter @Nerdist and @NerdMelt also check out The Official Chris Hardwick Facebook Fan Cluster!

An Adventure in Disappointment!

OZZY!

      This Saturday, I had the chance to go a VERY special book signing! On Saturday, February 27, @ 3pm: OZZY (****ING!) OSBOURNE!!!! came to sign his new autobiography "I Am Ozzy" at the Barnes & Noble in Dallas, TX at Lincoln Park. I have been a huge Ozzy fan for years and to finally meet him face-to-face and get his autograph would be a dream come true! I had no idea how the whole day was going to play out and to think I should have called the store the night before to find the details BUT I didn't! I had planned on getting there early and when I say early for someone on a usual Saturday doesn't get up until at least noon, well you get the idea.
 After close to an hour of driving I arrived at the store @ 10am. I expected absolute chaos with a massive line of hundreds around the block! But, to my amazement, there was nobody!?!? I walked up to the front doors where there was a small table with 2 employees sitting there. With my book in one hand and a fold-able chair in the other I was prepared for a lengthy wait. However, the employees informed me that many people had already arrived about 7:30 that morning! At first I was confused but then discovered that in order to attend the signing you had to first buy the book and then show your receipt to the people at the table in which you would receive an armband marked with a letter in the order you arrived. I had the bought the book on the day it was released at my own local store and thankfully still had the receipt inside as I had been using it as a bookmark. I got my armband (Letter "S") and was ready to wait. The particulars of the signing seemed to me very strict. They were handed on a lime green bookmark. They were as follows: (with commentary)
 - "To ensure every one's safety, please be aware of the following rules.
 - Failure to comply with these rules may result in removal from the event" (Wow!)
 - The signing is on the 2nd floor
 - The 2nd floor will be closed by security and closed off at 12:00 PM (Damn!)
 - Your wristband is labeled with a Letter (Ok, I've figured out that much...)|
 - 50 people are in each Letter Group (Yikes!)
 - All Letter Groups will be asked to line up outside the store (At least it wasn't too cold.)
 - Please do not line up prior to your Letter Group being called (Oh, man!)
 - Each Letter Group will be led by event staff into the store to the escalator to be allowed upstairs (Achtung! Schnell, Schnell!)
 - This is a Book signing ONLY- Please don not ask Ozzy to sign memorabilia or body parts (That one's my favorite!)
 - Please do not stand on bookshelves or sit on tables (I have a funny story about that very thing, save it for later, lol!)
 - Due to time constraints, no personalization will be allowed (crap!)
     Then they said to not come back until after 3pm! So now I had 5 hours to kill! Thankfully there is a really nice mall (Northpark Mall) across the street so, I got a matinee movie ticket to see "Cop Out" (pretty funny), got some lunch at Sonic and hung out at GameStop and bought a couple of cheap PS2 games (So I haven't upgraded to PS3 yet, so sue me!) I came back to the store around 2pm and found a circus! There was at least 1,000 people already lined up, the parking lot was FULL! Dallas cops EVERYWHERE! And there was even two vans from 97.1 The Eagle, the local rock station! Awesome! The line was only from letters A-D so I knew I had a long time to wait and the staff said Ozzy wouldn't even be there until 3:30. So I parked in a shady corner next to the UT store along with other fans set up my folding chair and waited...and waited...and waited...At least I had a book to read! LOL! (Oh and by the way, B&N closed the bathroom claiming it was "Out of Order" (Thankfully the restroom at the grocery store next door was still working!)
     Around 5pm my letter was finally called and I joined the line along with hundreds of others. The line wound around the cue for about an hour when I finally made it inside the store. The line progressed upstairs along the escalator and into another winding line through the bookshelves. After another half hour I finally reached the end of the line and could see Ozzy. He sat in the middle of the table surrounded by several B&N employees and I thought I could recognize Ozzy's tour manager behind him. The signing was very much like an assembly line. A B&N employee told me to place the book jacket onto the title page where he would sign it. As I was struggling to take a picture along with an annoying guy next to me Ozzy signed my book without even looking up and then the asshole manager rushed me along saying I was holding up the line. What a jerk! I didn't even get to speak to Ozzy or thank him! Still in shock starring at the signature (which didn't even look complete, more like "Ozzy Osb...") on my way down the escalator, exhausted and soaking with sweat. (I was still wearing my biker jacket after all.) I sat down at the Starbucks cafe downstairs got a frappachino and sat down to catch my breath and rest my feet, having just stood in line for over 2 hours. I didn't know whether to feel happy or disappointed, I did get to see him and he did sign my book for free so I guess...that's it then. See YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXGsBhLJybE